2015 | 2018.
i am in awe of how this universe works. whether it be god or an energy we can’t even begin to imagine or atoms or some other shit, there is something working. i read the alchemist in my freshman year of high school and it is a book full of quotes i can write all over the walls, on my skin, everyday and forever, but one stuck: i love you because the entire universe conspired to help me find you. there are some things that i don’t think humans will ever be able to explain. some things have catalysts, but some things, i learned, you just can’t explain.
i love you because the entire universe conspired for us to be together. i have been through a lot of people in our time apart and i wondered why it always felt like something was missing. some of them even made me believe that the problem lay within me; that i was the root of everything wrong in the relationship. oh but with you everything just feels so right. i know i struggle with personality disorder, i know i struggle with a lot of mood swings, i struggle with a lot of doubt and insecurities and damn do you get the worst of that. but i also know i struggle with not being able to marry you on the spot when we are in bed with our legs all tangled up and i’m whispering “i wish i could just melt into you. why is it that even when we are skin to skin i still wish we could be closer.” i struggle with not being able to contain my love for you, even when i am in class, even when i should be writing an essay. i struggle with not being able to explain where you came from, how we got back together, where we’ll go from here. i just know that it’s a we thing from here on out, i know that because the entire universe conspired for it to be that way.
love you. it is the september 3 years after that first screenshot and i love you more.