My lover and I sleep together on most nights.
We are 7,939 miles apart.
In the first few months of our relationship, I would talk to her until she fell asleep. Sometimes I would tell her my prayers. Other times I would tell her my favorite stories. And sometimes I would tell her stories of my own.
And she loved all of this.
Because our schedules didn’t align perfectly, she would call me with every chance she got; a lot of times that was in the early mornings my time, so she would stay with me while I slept away. Sometimes she would talk to me until I fell asleep. Other times she would do her own thing while I closed my eyes. And sometimes she would sleep with me.
And I loved all of this.
As time went on, life got in the way. A lot of times I would find myself waking up in the late hours of the morning without any calls from her because she was held back at work. Other times I would find her fast asleep because I had gotten out of class late. Sometimes our schedules were just completely out of alignment, so much so that we’d go days without sleeping together.
For the past few weeks my lover has been extremely stressed out. And because I am 7,939 miles away, there is only so much I can do to help her. It kills me when I can’t fall asleep with her on these days where she needs my comfort the most.
For the past few weeks I’ve been reading this book of magic. It is All The Light We Cannot See by Anthony Doerr. In it the story of a young girl and her love for her father intertwines with the story of a young boy and his love for the radio. A lot of times I read it until I fall asleep, only to wake up to the sound of my lover’s soft voice with the book pressed against my body. There are mornings where I look for its words on my skin, and I come up with disappointment when I can’t find any – because I love them all that much.
Today I wanted to sleep with my lover because I thought time was on my side. I wanted to talk to her about All The Light We Cannot See and its words of magic until she fell asleep, how its stories make me feel like I am, as true it is to its title, seeing light for the first time. But I called her and I was an hour too late. She had fallen asleep a little too early because she was a little too exhausted, and I had missed her an hour too late because I was a little too busy.
So I let her sleep. But as I did I said my prayers for her and for us. I whispered All The Light We Cannot See to her while she dreamed. And I took this moment and created a story of my own and am posting it right here.
My lover works for herself, for me, and our future together.
We are 7,939 miles apart.
In the first few months of our relationship, we had all the time in the world. Sometimes. Other times. Sometimes again.
And we both loved all of this.
But as time went on it went on away from us. She has not slept with me in a while because she is so busy working for it all. I find myself missing her more than ever, wishing that there was more I could do for her and her stresses. On days like these, though, I know that loving her is enough.
One day, when time has surpassed its days of running away from us and has finally settled down on our sides, I can read All The Light We Cannot See to our children and tell them, Sweethearts, I wrote a little story many years ago about how I wanted to read this to your mother until she fell asleep, but time was not on our side.
But look at where we are today. We are 0 miles apart and we have you and we all say our prayers together and we all tell each other our favorite stories and we all create little stories of our own. She worked so hard to get us here.
Let’s go upstairs and take a nap, but before we do, she and I can tell you all about the story of a young girl and her love for her father and how it intertwines with the story of a young boy and his love for the radio.
We have all the time in the world.